Hello! My name is Kimber. There is a lot you could say about me, but for the purpose of this blog I am a mom to 5 children and the wife of a Naval submarine officer. We've been married for 11 years and are about to make our 6th PCS. We have 4 boys and 1 girl. Our oldest son is 9 years old {3rd grade}, our identical twin boys are 7 years old {1st grade}, our fourth son is 3 years old {preschool}, and our youngest child and only daughter is 1 years old. I also miscarried two pregnancies, a singleton and a second set of multiples, which also happened to be a partial molar pregnancy. Our life is very busy. We have 2 asthmatic children and one with a milk protein allergy. We move every 1-3 years because of my husband's career in the Navy. And, in general, the kids keep us busy!
My last pregnancy was beyond difficult, from the beginning all the way through to when I finally had my post-partum complications surgically fixed 7 months after delivery-- with another 2 months of recovery time. The surgery included a partial hysterectomy. By the time I turned 30 I had been pregnant 6 times and had delivered my 5th and final baby. Two weeks after delivering my last baby, I hemorrhaged alone at home with all the kids, breastfeeding the newborn. The rest of her first summer passed in a blur. Shortly after that I fell into a depression dealing with the post-partum complications. I felt useless. I couldn't take care of myself and was struggling to take care of the kids and was terrified I was going to have to live the rest of my life dealing with those problems. Around 9 months post-partum, after I recovered from my surgery, I slowly started to feel more like myself again. I sought support from my friends and family as I recovered from surgery and my depression.
This whole experience happened shortly after we moved to Washington state, our 5th duty station and 2nd sea tour. I feel like the last 3 years have changed me a lot and changed how I look at things. I have never struggled as much as I did here or felt more alone. I had little to no support from the military community, which was devastating as we lived across country from my family and friends and had so many medical issues. My husband's schedule was busy. He worked long hours and deployed 4 times. I have had other times where I felt like "the needs of the Navy" always came first-- even against my wishes and my husband's-- but this tour changed how I felt about my role as a military spouse and even my role as a woman in our marriage.
As military spouses, we are not in the military. We also don't fit into the civilian community either. Military family issues and the things that affect our families are very different than civilian families. As military spouses, we float between the two communities, and, frankly, we are often seen as freeloaders, lazy, or "trying to get our husbands out of work." We are supposed to be grateful when he is given time off-- even when it is random and unexpected time off that we didn't plan on or prepare for. We are called to support and are seen as nags and ungrateful if we do it with anything less than a smile. We spend our lives at the beck and call of our service member, always being available and home when they are, because we know that time is a gift with the military.
All this time, I thought I was giving to the military. I felt like I was investing in my family, that one day things would be a little easier or make a little more sense, and that I would see where all my hard work was going. It felt like I was doing all of this and dealing with all of this for the greater good-- to support my husband serving our country. And I realized on this tour that I am in a position where no one thanks, no one expects anything less, because as a stay-at-home mom and as a woman, that is my job and my duty and what is expected of me. I need to do it quietly and supportively and smile through it all, grateful if he is so lucky to be home to help with any of it.
I have spent 11 years of my life as a military spouse. We have 5 years left before my husband retires and I have realized that I need to make it my time. I can't wait on the military to give me the go ahead to be "selfish" and "unsupportive." I have built my life solely around my husband, his career, and birthing and raising our children. Moving every 1-3 years, I was forced to choose between having babies and finishing college and I chose babies because I have always wanted a big family. Now that my womb is closed and my eyes are open, I am choosing both. I can have the big family that I've always wanted and accomplish my dreams.
It is hard to navigate our role as women and military spouses and parents. I feel obligated to keep all these plates up in the air spinning and spinning without ever missing a beat or dropping a plate. I'm in my 30's now. I've been through a bit more than my 20's and I'm no longer looking forward with optimism and hope. Now is my time to push. This is the moment. Tomorrow can start today. I don't have to keep every plate spinning. I can choose which plates I no longer need to balance and I can pass them off to someone else or I can have the courage and freedom to set a plate down.
Everyone should be a feminist. Military spouses aren't second class citizens. Stay-at-home parents are people too. We shouldn't be brushed to the side and dismissed because, for the moment, we have decided to support instead of pursue. That kind of leap takes trust, commitment, and courage and shouldn't be categorized as weak and lazy. Conversely, we aren't abandoning our families when we do seize the day and follow our dreams.
This blog is my story and my thoughts as I make the plunge into pursuing my dreams, to prioritizing my goals that for 11 years I have kept on the back burner {or, when I did work towards them, I did so in a way to be sure not to disrupt the flow of our family life}. This fall I am jumping into college full time. Our kids will be 4th grade, twin 2nd graders, 4-year old preschool, and our youngest will be 2-years old. It's going to be a big change balancing a full college load and family life, but I know it is time for me to stop dreaming and start doing.
Because, who rules the world?
My last pregnancy was beyond difficult, from the beginning all the way through to when I finally had my post-partum complications surgically fixed 7 months after delivery-- with another 2 months of recovery time. The surgery included a partial hysterectomy. By the time I turned 30 I had been pregnant 6 times and had delivered my 5th and final baby. Two weeks after delivering my last baby, I hemorrhaged alone at home with all the kids, breastfeeding the newborn. The rest of her first summer passed in a blur. Shortly after that I fell into a depression dealing with the post-partum complications. I felt useless. I couldn't take care of myself and was struggling to take care of the kids and was terrified I was going to have to live the rest of my life dealing with those problems. Around 9 months post-partum, after I recovered from my surgery, I slowly started to feel more like myself again. I sought support from my friends and family as I recovered from surgery and my depression.
This whole experience happened shortly after we moved to Washington state, our 5th duty station and 2nd sea tour. I feel like the last 3 years have changed me a lot and changed how I look at things. I have never struggled as much as I did here or felt more alone. I had little to no support from the military community, which was devastating as we lived across country from my family and friends and had so many medical issues. My husband's schedule was busy. He worked long hours and deployed 4 times. I have had other times where I felt like "the needs of the Navy" always came first-- even against my wishes and my husband's-- but this tour changed how I felt about my role as a military spouse and even my role as a woman in our marriage.
As military spouses, we are not in the military. We also don't fit into the civilian community either. Military family issues and the things that affect our families are very different than civilian families. As military spouses, we float between the two communities, and, frankly, we are often seen as freeloaders, lazy, or "trying to get our husbands out of work." We are supposed to be grateful when he is given time off-- even when it is random and unexpected time off that we didn't plan on or prepare for. We are called to support and are seen as nags and ungrateful if we do it with anything less than a smile. We spend our lives at the beck and call of our service member, always being available and home when they are, because we know that time is a gift with the military.
All this time, I thought I was giving to the military. I felt like I was investing in my family, that one day things would be a little easier or make a little more sense, and that I would see where all my hard work was going. It felt like I was doing all of this and dealing with all of this for the greater good-- to support my husband serving our country. And I realized on this tour that I am in a position where no one thanks, no one expects anything less, because as a stay-at-home mom and as a woman, that is my job and my duty and what is expected of me. I need to do it quietly and supportively and smile through it all, grateful if he is so lucky to be home to help with any of it.
I have spent 11 years of my life as a military spouse. We have 5 years left before my husband retires and I have realized that I need to make it my time. I can't wait on the military to give me the go ahead to be "selfish" and "unsupportive." I have built my life solely around my husband, his career, and birthing and raising our children. Moving every 1-3 years, I was forced to choose between having babies and finishing college and I chose babies because I have always wanted a big family. Now that my womb is closed and my eyes are open, I am choosing both. I can have the big family that I've always wanted and accomplish my dreams.
It is hard to navigate our role as women and military spouses and parents. I feel obligated to keep all these plates up in the air spinning and spinning without ever missing a beat or dropping a plate. I'm in my 30's now. I've been through a bit more than my 20's and I'm no longer looking forward with optimism and hope. Now is my time to push. This is the moment. Tomorrow can start today. I don't have to keep every plate spinning. I can choose which plates I no longer need to balance and I can pass them off to someone else or I can have the courage and freedom to set a plate down.
Everyone should be a feminist. Military spouses aren't second class citizens. Stay-at-home parents are people too. We shouldn't be brushed to the side and dismissed because, for the moment, we have decided to support instead of pursue. That kind of leap takes trust, commitment, and courage and shouldn't be categorized as weak and lazy. Conversely, we aren't abandoning our families when we do seize the day and follow our dreams.
This blog is my story and my thoughts as I make the plunge into pursuing my dreams, to prioritizing my goals that for 11 years I have kept on the back burner {or, when I did work towards them, I did so in a way to be sure not to disrupt the flow of our family life}. This fall I am jumping into college full time. Our kids will be 4th grade, twin 2nd graders, 4-year old preschool, and our youngest will be 2-years old. It's going to be a big change balancing a full college load and family life, but I know it is time for me to stop dreaming and start doing.
Because, who rules the world?
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-Kimber