Kimber's Five

Lately I have been telling my husband that I feel like a new person. I don't feel like I've grown or that some things are different... I feel like a brand new person. My thought process feels different, I feel differently about nearly everything, and my goals and priorities are different. When I trace back how I ended up here, the last 3 years in Washington state (our previous duty station) keep popping up in my brain. Those years changed me. For a long time, I thought those years defeated me. I didn't feel like I was enough. I felt like all of the goals that I had set for my life were pushed off for another 3 years (which they were). I felt like I couldn't make friends. I felt like people didn't understand me. I felt like my family was too big/too crazy or that maybe they didn't like my kids. I felt like life kept throwing us challenges, some bigger than I ever expected to face. I felt like my depression was going to swallow me and that I wouldn't make it ...

Is it possible to be a feminist stay-at-home parent {specifically: a stay-at-home mom}? I find myself repeatedly defending my position, even to fellow feminists. One of the big points the feminists make to me is: how can I fight the patriarchy if I am submitting to the patriarchy? For me to answer that, I suppose we need to decide what our bar as a feminist is. Is a feminist someone who plays by the Boys' Rules or is a feminist someone who is fighting for gender equality? My position is someone who is fighting for gender equality and, thus, I do not feel that I am submitting to the patriarchy simply by choosing to be a stay-at-home spouse, a much-needed position in my home. To which I hear... well, is that a much needed position in your home because that is what you have been conditioned to believe? No. No, because I would say 9/10 the people questioning me do not have children. Do not move every 1-3 years. Do not have a spouse in a career path where they are rarely home an...

Chivalry, as it is seen today, doesn't have anything to do with knights, courts, courtly love, or "favors" (tokens of unrequited love). Chivalry today has to do with a code on how men should treat women. These include: opening doors for women, giving a woman your jacket if she's cold, opening her door, pulling her chair out for her... on and on. What's wrong with how women were treated? Why should chivalry be dead? I mean, if you start looking back on women's rights , it's deplorable. Women were not seen as equals. Even Elizabeth I said, "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and a king of England too." Jane Austen dedicated her energy highlighting the struggles of women living under the laws where they couldn't inherit property, they couldn't work, and they couldn't vote. Without a white male family member taking care of them, women were destitute. Around 1900, women were s...

There is one aspect of military spouse life that I do not think that I can ever get used to: isolation. I feel like I make my own memories. That sounds like such a small thing, but as our family has grown and we have moved time after time, I've realized I really hate it. What do I mean make my own memories? Well, my husband is rarely home or with me. Sea duty doesn't mean he's working a 9-5 job when he isn't deployed. Even when he is "home" or "in port" he has schools he has to attend, training to go to, a boat to work on, on and on. He often leaves before the kids and I get up and gets home after they are in bed (sometimes after I am in bed). For awhile, he had literally 2 days off a month and they weren't even on the same weekend. So I'm not making memories with my husband, living day to day life with him. Sharing time with him and sharing the kids with him. I'm usually informing him of our day and showing him pictures and videos. T...

This is the second part to my "Mental health support" post. This one is about what I have done to create an environment for myself that prioritized my mental health. At some point when my mental health was at an all-time low, I thought about all of the things that were bothering me and adding to my depression. I put things in columns: one column was things I can change and the other was things I couldn't change. The list helped me realize that I cannot change all the bad things happening to our family and I can't change how people feel about me. However, I can change the support around me and I can change how I feel about all things that happened. I went home to be with my family and friends during my husband's deployment and to give myself a chance to process the past couple years. Getting myself out of the situation also gave me a chance to think about what I liked about being at home with support and all the ways life was less hard when I wasn't goin...

Man, what a tough week with such amazing people ending their lives. There seems to be a lot more talk recently about mental health and I am all about it {if you have read any of my blog posts in the last year or the past 5 minutes, you probably already know this}. I had a mental breakdown last year. I've gone over my story many times, but basically my husband is a submariner and went back to sea duty, which means deployments and the boat schedule and duty days. I had our 5th baby here and it was a complicated pregnancy in which we almost lost her many times, almost lost me, and I battled preterm labor. After I had her, I kept telling myself it would get better, but then life carried on as usual. Our 2 asthmatics had flair ups. My grandmother had a stroke. My mom completely severed her Achilles tendon. My husband's boat schedule kept changing. My post-partum complications were horrible and made me feel like less than a person. Just... everything. Everything was a struggle. I di...

My husband is in the military and we have moved every 1-3 years for 11 years together. We are in the midst of our 6th military move now and we will live at our next duty station for 3 years. That means that I have had to make adult friends at 5 different duty stations already and I'm about to do it again at a 6th. I have found that my needs for friends has varied as our family has grown and as I have grown. When we first got married and didn't have kids, I wanted friends who were out doing things at night. I liked a fun party and going out. I wanted people to do things with-- dinner parties, outings, even day to day errands. It was just nice hanging out, texting, drinking, and talking about books and hobbies. At our second duty station with one child, I wanted people to meet up with. I kept a Pack'n'Play in my Jeep and I would go to dinner parties, put the baby down to nap in the master bedroom. I liked day trips, playdates, barbecues, farmer's markets on the we...